Shaved Heads and Cellar Beds
by Edgewick
Summary: Ron and Harry are sent a mysterious note from Hermione. it involves a purple pumpkin and Neville as a popstar


Dare...Shaved Heads and Cellar Beds  
  
Harry looked with discontent as his breath hung in the air before him, Hogsmeade twinkled in the frosty glow of Christmas and most people seemed jolly enough with their shopping. But not Harry, oh no everything was yet again going worse for the scruffy dark-haired boy, but this time it wasn't because Voldemort was constantly plotting to kill him or that half the magical community though he was as nutty as a fruitcake- oh no, it was because. "Your Pumpkin's gone purple?" Ron said sarcastically, "What are you on about?" "Its quite simple really Ron, my pumpkin has turned purple" He said sulkily twiddling with the leash. Ron glanced behind him at the trail of purple slime that was leading up towards Harry and was dripping onto his shoes, Ron crinkled his nose as the aroma coming off the mouldy fruit filled his nostrils. "And it smells" Ron added worriedly. "Are you feeding it or something?" He joked. "Of course I am Ron!" Harry snapped defensively "How would it survive without food, I've had it since-" Harry screwed up his face to remember how long he'd had it. "Since October, Halloween" Ron sighed as he stopped walking abruptly to scrape some of the goo off his shoe, Harry had been swinging it as he walked, much to Ron's disgust. "Yeah since October, anyway course I'm feeding it, the only thing a pumpkin this good will eat" He smiled lovingly at the furry-with-age at the side of him. "Which is?" "Tuna!" Harry proclaimed excitedly and set up on a hurried walk, staining the snow behind a lovely shade of purple as they went. "Tuna?" Ron panted catching up with him "Harry I think you should get rid of it, it smells" "Don't insult it Ron" Harry cried picking it up and clutching it to his stomach as he walked "Its so furry and soft, like a Rabbit" "Just 'cos its Mouldy!" Ron sneered. Harry's face dropped as he put down the pumpkin to wrap his robes around him tightly. "Anyway what are we doing outside in this weather?" Ron asked, his nose turning red with the cold. Ron and Harry turned the corner silently and made a beeline towards the Three Broomsticks, before entering Harry took the owl letter out his front robe pocket and re-read it to be sure. "She didn't say, only that we were to be here at 3pm for a meeting of some- sort" Harry mumbled shoving it back inside his pocket. "Not SPEW" Ron sighed rolling his eyes "I'm still having nightmares since the last meeting" "Oh not that again, I told you Ron it was Dobby's nose- lets speak no more about it!" He snarled before tying up his pumpkin outside and entering the pub.  
  
The Three Broomsticks was eerily quiet that day, only a few people stood around the bar drinking, quietly chatting to each-other. In other words it was dead, apart from the strangely disguised lanky figure in the corner, but Ron was too excited with the prospect of seeing Hermione to notice, and Harry was too busy looking through the window- making sure his pumpkin was safe and the blanket he has wrapped around it was still there. It was. Ron gawped in amazement at the corner of the pub, the back wall was completely covered by a picture of Neville Longbottom, smiling and shaking his hips in an Italian Stallion style, in fact underneath the picture of Neville dressed in a chequered shirt, leather trousers and a top hat was the phrase "NEVILLE THE DEVIL" written in flashing red letters about a foot high which shot off sparks as you passed, not that anyone knew that except Hermione. Hermione was sat at a table below the horrid poster, pelvis thrusting just behind her hair and the lettering singeing her hair as she waved manically at Ron and Harry. Ron stopped Harry blowing kisses through the window and dragged him towards the table which Hermione was sat at, which, he noticed she was alone. "What in the name of Godric is that Hermione?!" Ron asked in disgust. "Neville the Devil.."Harry muttered under his breath, eyes following the pelvic motions and a slight smile playing across his now-purple lips. Hermione stood up angrily and threw Ron a muggle newspaper, frowning towards the red-head. "Honestly Ron! Neville won the Wizard version of Pop Idol, don't you know anything" She said in her usual snotty-cow manner. She tossed Ron a banner with the flashing lights on it and ignored the mesmerized Harry. "Neville won?" Ron repeated in amazement. "Look at that pelvis." Harry muttered. Hermione looked as if she was about to say something to Harry, but merely patted him on the shoulder and handed him a badge. "Yes so I started a fan-club to rub the losers noses in it" She added smugly "Well, who did he beat then?" Ron asked excitedly.  
  
"I can answer that, Weasley" The figure we all thought was harmlessly standing in the corner of the pub turned out not to be harmless. The figure threw away the black robes cunningly disguising his pale face. It was  
  
"Malfoy?" Ron said worriedly. "That's right Weasley, Neville the devil beat me, and that Simon Cowell is the most evil git in the world" Draco sneered. Harry, guided by Hermione took a seat by the poster, by now Harry had a banner wrapped round his head and several badges littered on his robes. Ron was on his own, as Hermione was too busy shaving "NFC" (Neville Fan Club) Into Harrys hair. "Who's Simon Cowell? A Deatheater?" Ron gasped. "No chance, his fashion sense is so last year" Draco answered in a serious tone. "Anyway Weasley your coming with me!" He snarled as he went to reach for Rons robes, pressing his wand close to the Weasley's head. "No, Harry, Hermione - help!" But they couldn't help, the sound of the shaver went over the noise of Rons shouts for help, much to his upset. Draco pointed his wand at Ron as he led Ron down the stairs towards the basement of the 3 broomsticks.  
  
"Hang on you can't take me down here" Ron cried. "Yes I can, the room is paid for" Draco replied happily.  
  
So there they both were, Ron lay terrified on the cellar floor, whilst Draco did his best reservoir dog dance, getting progressively drunk as the dance went on. "What are you going to do to me?" Ron asked, tears forming in his eyes. "Oh, nothing much Weasley but I think you know what I want to hear" Draco giggled as he reached inside the mystery bag. Draco made a big job of rustling around the bag before taking out his weapon of mass destruction.  
  
"A Quill? What are you going to do? Write me a letter?" Ron said sarcastically. "Oh no Weasley something much more" Draco wrenched his arm upwards "Worse" He added laughing manically. "Oh no anything but the hahahahaaHAHAHAHAAAHAHA" Ron laughed in serious pain as the feather tickled his skin, the laughter rippled through his body making his stomach jiggle like Santa Clause. Every inch of his body ached with happiness and laughter, it was enough to make you want to kill yourself. Ron cries of "stop" and "Please" were lost amongst his giggles. Though he wasn't the only one laughing, Draco was hissing like a snake in his ear, his blonde hair getting dangerously out of shape, making him wish he'd bought more Vaseline before attending the meeting. "Say it Weasley, or I'll bring out the clown mask" Draco snarled. "Oh no..what do you want me to s-s-s-s-ayyy" Ron blurted out in unimaginable happiness. "What are Rabbits, Weasley" He asked, stopping the tickling for one second. "Tasty?" Ron said miserably. Draco frowned, taking out another feather to tickle the other armpit. By now Ron was wishing he hadn't drank that pumpkin juice before meeting Harry, and judging by the puddle Draco was kneeling in, he was wishing that too. "Fluffy!" Ron cried out his whole body twisting and writhing on the floor. "Exactly and what else are rabbits?" "Oh I know Fluffy Bun"  
  
Ron started but could not finish, for as soon as he opened his mouth he felt the general sensation of having a 3 month old pumpkin shoved inside your mouth. He knew he was safe. Harry ran down the steps two at a time, the banner wrapped round his head in a Karate Kid style, the word "DEVIL" being flashed around the dark cellar, Harry had pieces of the pumpkin in his hands, throwing them in all angles, by now Ron's face had turned completely purple and his breath reeked off Tuna, but he didn't care, the feather had been removed by Hermione and she was currently giving Draco the same treatment. Amongst the yells of "Fluffy Bunny! Fluffy Bunny oh stop!" Ron seized Harry's hand, at least he hoped it was, as all he could see was purple slime and Neville's pelvis being shone around the room.  
  
Ron felt himself being heaved upwards to the main part of the 3 broomsticks, he groped around for help, only feeling the shaven letters NFC, and he assumed it was Harry. "But you loved that Lantern Harry" Ron sighed wiping the gunk from his eyes, his arms were still slightly sore. But through the gunk he could see the real Neville the Devil stood there, Leather pants and all smiling broadly at Ron. "Rule one of Celebritydom Ronald, never forget a fan!" Neville said in a mock-superhero voice placing his hands on his rocking hips. "I'll see you on my world tour" He whispered pinning a badge onto Rons manky robes before leaving the pub as fast as his leather clad legs would take him. "Good bye Neville the devil" He gasped, by now Harry and Hermione had caught up with him and they were all stood there hands on each-others shoulders laughing and smiling in a cheesy fashion  
  
"That Lantern couldn't compare with the love of Neville the Devil" Harry explained, "So when Hermione stopped doing my hair and told me a fan of Neville was in trouble I had to do my duty, what would I be if I didn't?" "I have a few ideas" Draco growled from behind the bar washing up the pots and pans from the sink with an ultra-pout on. "He's a cleaner?" Ron laughed. "His Fathers cheque bounced on the room rent, apparently the insurance doesn't cover erm- spillages" Hermione explained smiling sympathetically. "Oh well, alls well that ends well, Harry doesn't have that bloody mouldy fruit and everything's back to normal" Ron concluded. "You just wait until Easter, I just hope we have enough eggs" Hermione whispered in a giggly fashion 


End file.
